Life in Technicolor

latias:

(Source: cdn.stereogum.com)

2011

the biggest year of my life.

the year of wreckless abandon.

Each New Years, after facing the deluge of facebook statuses, glitter dresses, and holiday parties I sit and write. I write about my year in review, and evaluate the goods, the bads, and the flat out hideous. I read my friends’ blogs; their “goodbyes to the old me,” their “hello new outlooks” and hopes for the year to come. I try and figure out my last minute resolutions yet always settle for trying to lose weight and wanting to read more books.  But then what? I go to the gym for a few weeks, take a pilates class or two, buy a New York Times’ bestselling novel only to put it down half-way finished. This year I just want to take the time to say thank you 2011 for being without fail the most tumultuous, challenging, life-altering, mind-boggling year of my life. Without you, I would be still utterly useless; wasting away my days wishing I was pretty and had more friends.

2011. The year that my projected life goals for the past two decades abruptly changed. And I mean abruptly. December 14^th 2010, I was a dreamer sitting in a dreary dorm room in San Francisco weighing the pros and cons of my future. I tried to envision what life would be like if I took the leap to transfer to a different school or if settling in to the life I had sought in San Francisco really was for me. By that night I was packing my dorm room up into boxes, signing my “Withdrawal From University” papers, and saying frantic last minute goodbyes to my friends. By December 16^th I was back in Southern California with no clue why I decided to uproot my life and transfer. But I did it. And there sure as hell was no turning back.

I sit here now, a full year later, in awe of what that decision has brought. Since then, I have worked for a famous radio DJ, lived in a foreign country, traveled throughout Europe, became a Director for USC’s student government, lost a loved one, experienced the glory that is Coachella, learned a foreign language, used somebody, been used by somebody, starred in a short film, and have most recently obtained my dream job. This year has without a doubt challenged me to keep going, even through the hard times when I had no one to lean on. With my newfound anonymity in this new city and this new school, I found my inner strength.

Starting from scratch is no easy feat. I challenge any of you to do it… I did it TWICE in 2011. Los Angeles to Madrid. Living in a foreign country will sure as shit humble you within seconds. Not only did I move to Spain without knowing a single soul, I barely spoke the language, blindly figuring out how to live abroad on my own. But that trip in and of itself brought an unparalleled self-discovery I could not have dreamed of.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude for what 2011 has brought me and it all stems from the leap of faith decision to take what seemed to be a terrifying opportunity and get all that I could out of it. This time last year I was in a free fall; I could easily have landed flat on my face, retreating back to foggy San Francisco in disgrace. But instead, I accepted the fact that my future will not fit in with my initial plan; that my life template will never perfectly parallel that of another’s. I sit here completely awestruck at how lucky I am.  My world, my friends, my health, every subtlety that gets overlooked on a daily basis: it rocks. In the simplest of terms. So cheers to happiness…I have searched for it for so damn long. Looked for it through relationships, missed connections, the need to belong, partying too much, finding the right words to say. When through it all…my happiness started and ended with me.